“There is no failure, only feedback.”
This is one of the presuppositions of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and it’s become a favorite of mine since I first heard it. While the overall claims behind the practice are sometimes a little far fetched, there are a great number of great pieces of common sense wisdom. My experience has showed me that this is one of the most important.
Failure sucks and it’s really hard to argue that. No one likes doing it because it usually costs time and money.
There’s a difference between aiming to succeed and aiming to not fail. People who succeed at doing things accept that they’re going to screw it up somewhere along the way but they’ve learned not to take it personally. They recognize that their plans weren’t as good as they needed to be. They can look at where things went wrong and account for that next time; analyze and attack.
The other side of the coin are people who just try to avoid failure. They’ll continue to do the same thing time and time again even though it’s obviously not working. They have plans that are very reliant on either circumstance or other people to behave in a certain way, or both. They take failure personally. None of these things are helpful.
Not succeeding isn’t the end of the world. If nothing else, it should be used to strengthen your resolve and do it again, but better. In his fantastic book The Dip, Seth Godin writes about quitting a strategy, not a goal. Keep going for what you’re after but don’t be afraid to change what you have to do to get it. This is right in line with another presupposition of NLP that I love.
“If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else.”
This one should be self explanatory but it’s not. I’m amazed how many people and organizations continue to do the same thing, wasting time and money on the exact same thing time after time. They seem to believe that admitting a mistake or failure in a weakness, which is just ridiculous. The weakness is not learning from those failures and mistakes. If you need something you don’t have, include a plan to acquire it. It’s really not that big a deal.
This isn’t to say there are times when mistakes and failures don’t have devastating consequences. Air traffic controllers have to be on their game every minute of every day. That said, most of us aren’t doing things that have lives in the balance. If that’s the first place your mind went, you’re either an insufferable smartass or you’re exactly the type of person I’m addressing. You’re probably the sort of person who immediately goes to the worst possible outcome of anything you try to do all the while saying it’s human nature.
To which I say: Bullshit.
You learned that from somewhere, probably from your parents telling you that if you go outside you’ll get sick and die or you’ll get raped and killed by a stranger if you’re not in the house before dark. Sometimes you can assess certain risk factors and calculate probability. However, the chances are good that you don’t have any idea what will happen in any given situation. Right off the top of your head, how many opportunities to try great things did you miss out on in the last six months because you were too convinced you couldn’t do it after imagining all the horrible things that could have come from it? Now how much time did you give to thinking about all the great things that could have come about because you tried something new? If you’re like most people I’ve encountered, the answer isn’t much…if any.
This kind of thing may be a defense mechanism to keep you from getting hurt but, let’s face it, most of the things people are going to try to do aren’t going to result in your grisly demise. The worst that happens is your offer for a car gets turned down, that pretty girl/ruggedly handsome guy doesn’t give you a phone number, or you don’t get the interview. On the other hand, you may be able to buy a $10K car for $8500, you might find the man/woman of your dreams, or you land your dream job.
Spend some time thinking about the GOOD things that might happen if you try something new and risky. Think it through, do your research, and give it your best try and you may be surprised at what you find. Success breeds confidence and confidence is what you need to get over the fear of failure. Start small but build from there. Once something goes well, follow it immediately with something else. Eventually, you’ll learn to embrace the possibility of failure and how to come back better for it.
Co on, go do something!
